Strange Alliance

Dr. Peanut

How I Learned to Kidnap People and Love Kobold Rat Handlers

(For the entirety of this post imagine Peanut is dressed in all black, wearing black sunglasses, and seated in a wheelchair. Mataron looks like a f>ckin dragon)

Scene: Team 4 had just slain the black-azz dragon, Mataron’s cousins, and the rest of the North Mine denizens. They scored some gold, whiffed on a treasure table and EJ went gold-diving a la Scrooge McDuck in his moneybin and fell asleep with a smile on his face. Peanut and Mataron stole off to Delver’s with Cagan following, deliberately in the shadows.

The Plan: went off without a hitch! It will unfold in its entirety below.

1) Clear the warehouse or: “Bookcase Brilliance.”

Peanut: “Mat-R-awn, I heard rats in building. We kill?” Mataron: Nods, breathes fire for fun.

Peanut and Mataron kick open the warehouse to find 2 Kobold Vermin Handlers brandishing handaxes and slings.

(The guy in middle wielding basket) There’s an enemy sheet for them here on page 4. There were also some sick swarms of rats. No, no, no – not just one rat… a swarm of rats that acts in concert. There is little in the room except some bookcases on the walls.

Kobolds attack first, doing ranged poison damage plus 5 continual damage until a save throw. Mataron attacks one of the swarms of rats with a ranged attack. Peanut yawns: anyone can use conventional weapons.

Peanut unleashes a primal roar, bursts into the dank warehouse undeterred by the home advantage of the rats. Whether by intense meta-game analysis or sheer Peanut clumsiness… Peanut heaves a bookcase, as a minor action, directly on top of one of the swarms of rats. The rats rolled dexterity to escape and failed, thus leaving them “trapped” (like rats.. “Haha, Peanut love coincidentally appropriate cliches”). But, Peanut craves rat-blood, so as his standard action, Peanut does a devastating strike that smashes through the bookcase, severely bludgeoning the rats to inches of their lives (around 32 damage so far).

The Kobolds were solid foes as were the swarms of rats, as they could daze and do continual damage. However, Mataron and Peanut made short work of this “hard” encounter, setting the scene for the ruse on Thoel by keeping the dead bodies.

2) Taunt Brainstorm session – Peanut and Mataron, disappointed with the preponderance of EJ’s -1’s, sat down to help their “intellectual superior” by writing some material. Within seconds, they created at least 12,000 better things to say than “you’re legs are like pieces of sh+t.” a) Thorax? More like Bore-ax! (A little Billy Madison love) b) I ain’t seen a spider that I’ve wanted more to slap silly since Tobey Maguire c) Yo momma’s got so many legs, I can’t decide which to dismember/hump first.

3) Taking Thoel Mataron and Peanut enter the Rusty Kettle bar where Thoel is drunk as balls. Mataron distracts the barmaid and the bar matron quite handily. Peanut, luckily, barely distracted Thoel long enough to allow Cagan to do his dirty work. Cagan slipped into the bar wearing a black robe and an Orcus Pendant and slipped the Goodnight tincture into his beer. Thoel passed out, Cagan threw Thoel over his shoulder, and rushed out of the bar directly to the warehouse with the dead bodies.

Thoel was tied up successfully without waking him up, but we needed Thoel to see first hand that he was kidnapped and in danger. So, Cagan punches Thoel directly in the face, waking him. To make it believable, Peanut grabs Cagan, Mataron punches him in the face (doing 7 damage?), and Peanut throws him into out of the warehouse.

They untie Thoel and the ruse works. Thoel gives us a map to Shadowfell Keep, so we’re read to go! [DM edit: Thoel agrees to help you find the passage to the Keep]

The only snag, was that Thoel saw Cagan’s face, so we will need to make sure that Cagan does not interact with Thoel in the future (or at least not associated with us). Maybe we can use Cagan as a scare tactic in the future? Who knows…



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